Happiness
25 Habits of Truly Happy People – How to Find Inner Peace, Relieve Anxiety and Condition a Positive State of Mind
Introduction
In the past few years, hundreds of thousands of books have been written about it. Scientists have been conducting research on it for over three decades. The United Nations named a day after it, and according to a survey, a large number of people actively search it on Google. It is “Happiness,” one of the ultimate pursuits of humans since perhaps the advent of humankind.
Contrary to what most people think, happiness does not require external factors but is rather something that comes from within. We normally believe that a great relationship, a good job, or a high social status can bring happiness. The problem with this belief is that we are associating our happiness with external factors that are beyond our control and often subject to change.
Happiness comes from within and can be achieved by directing our attention inwards rather than searching for it in places it doesn’t exist. We can consciously choose to be happy by simply redirecting our thoughts and emotions in a positive manner. This book lists 25 habits that are common among people who are happy and content with their lives.
At the end of the book, a 4-week action plan has been included to make it easier for you to incorporate these habits into your life.
Personal Traits
1. Eat Well
Surprisingly, there is a direct connection between the food that we eat and the mood that may result from it. Numerous books have been written on the subject and extensive research has been conducted; however, our understanding in this regard is still very little. From what we do know, though, it can be said that the food we eat has profound effects on our thoughts and emotions.
Elizabeth Somer, MA, RD, an author of several books on the subject, rightly asserts, “There has been a growing body of evidence, both animal studies and human studies, to support that we really are what we eat, physically and mentally.” No matter how surprising, it is true that food can cause changes in mood, and if wisely used, it can contribute to happiness, both in the short term and long term.
For the short term, eating your favorite foods can bring about a positive change in mood because our brains are pleasure seekers. If luckily, the food you cherish also happens to be nutritious, it can result in good health and contribute to long-term happiness.
2. Exercise Regularly
Your happiness is largely dependent on your well-being; and for good health, there is nothing simpler and more effective than regular exercise. Exercising is a great way to not only take your mind off your daily worries and problems but also to greatly improve your health. In fact, the benefits of getting regular exercise are multifold.
Exercise not only results in increased energy but also grants a sense of accomplishment if you have been constantly meeting your fitness goals. Having a healthy and attractive physique is something to be proud of and is proof that you care for yourself and value yourself—two very important factors for the realization of true happiness.
Just like the relationship between food and happiness, the relationship between exercise and happiness is not quite clear; however, it can be said with certainty that exercise does contribute in a positive way towards your happiness. People with poor health conditions are seldom found to be happy, and since exercise has vital importance for staying fit and healthy, it ultimately becomes a great contributor to long-term happiness.
3. Meditate Daily
Meditation is a simple and easy practice that takes very little time and costs absolutely nothing. Despite its ease and simplicity, it has proven effectiveness for your mental well-being, and in turn, for your long-term happiness. Research suggests that people who regularly practice meditation are calm, focused, content, and comparatively less prone to stress and frustration than average people.
People who regularly practice meditation become capable of controlling their emotions rather than being occupied by them. They are not easily consumed by stress, frustration, and anxiety—emotions that are becoming very common in our lives because of our busy, fast-paced lifestyle.
In addition to granting you a greater control of your emotions, meditation enables you to take negative emotions and thoughts out of your mind, such as anger, blame, guilt, and other negative emotions that act as an obstacle in your discovery of true happiness. Even 10 minutes of meditation each day will bring about noticeable changes and will give you a fresh, new perspective on life.
4. Live Minimally
It is a great misconception to associate happiness with material things. While it is true that a beautiful house, an expensive car, and the latest iPhone can offer comfort and luxury, they are far from giving us the true happiness that is the subject of this eBook. The happiness that we are concerned with has pretty much nothing to do with status and possessions and is primarily subject to our thoughts, attitude, and overall perspective on life.
Materialism, in fact, can have drastic effects on your life because it puts you in a never-ending cycle of materialistic pursuit. Your possessions will only bring you brief happiness, which will utterly fail to endure over the long term. Minimalist living, on the other hand, encourages the view that more can be achieved with less, and that you certainly don’t need to be materialistic in order to be happy. Minimalism means avoiding the desire of unneeded luxury and comfort, to be comfortable with reusing and recycling, and to make the most out of what you have.
Minimalist living can be easily understood in the light of an Asian saying, which can be roughly translated as: “When it comes to the basic needs, even the less privileged manage to meet them; but when it comes to luxuries and desires, even kings may remain discontented.”
5. Be Honest
While honesty may not seem relevant to happiness, the two, in fact, share a deep-rooted connection. Honesty is undoubtedly an appreciable quality and is of paramount importance for the realization of true happiness. In its best form, honesty is self-reflective (i.e. being honest with yourself). You can make your way towards happiness much better by being self-reflective. It also brings about feelings of inner peace and ease and lets you make better choices, leading to the life you desire.
People who are not honest with themselves not only deceive others but even worse, they deceive themselves. In order to attain true happiness, you must be honest with yourself and create an alignment between your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Honesty will open up new doors of self-realization to you and in turn, will lead to a greater, enduring happiness.
6. Control Your Emotions
Emotions are perhaps one of the greatest obstacles in the attainment of true happiness. As humans, we are prone to be driven by emotions, and more often than not, our emotions exercise greater control over our thoughts and actions than the rational mind. It is obviously the negative emotions being addressed here, and they need to be controlled lest they become the driving force behind your thoughts and actions.
Negative emotions such as anger, guilt, and envy can get out of control quickly once they are triggered. These creeping, perennial emotions can make deep roots in your mind and alter its state, causing it to function in a negative way, taking you far away from happiness.
Controlling your emotions requires patience and practice. There are two key principles that can greatly help you master this art. First, try not to react to your emotions immediately. It is very likely that you will regret your actions later if they are guided by negative emotions. Secondly, always try to see the bigger picture. Whatever happens in your life happens for a higher purpose, and it takes wisdom and foresight to understand that purpose. In the long run, you will be grateful for having mastered this art.
7. Wake up Early
The famous saying, “The early bird catches the worm,” is famous for a reason.It is a truth universally proven that people who wake up early in the morning are healthier and happier. Overall, they are more satisfied with their lives and feel much better than the people who prefer nightlife. The main reason for this is that they find it much easier to adapt to their daily life schedule.
A research conducted by the University of Toronto concluded that people who don’t tend to get up early in the morning are more prone to a condition, called “social jet lag,” in which a person’s social activities are “out of sync” with their natural, biological clock. Renee Biss, the lead researcher of this study, asserted, “Society’s expectations are far more organized around a morning-type person’s schedule.”
People who wake up early are more satisfied, productive, and overall happy. So, if you pursue happiness, one of the things you can do is start using that alarm clock.
8. Be a Non-Conformist
Maya Angelou, the famous American poet and civil rights activist said, “If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.” It is a sad reality that a majority of people spend their lives doing what they don’t really enjoy and being around people they don’t really like. These are conformists; people who lack the determination and courage to make bold decisions because they worry too much about what society may think or say about them.
Nonconformists, on the other hand, are people who are true to themselves and follow their own intuition and understanding to make decisions rather than blindly following the norms and rules of a group or society. I was called a “loser” in school because I refused to smoke, and in college, I didn’t have many friends because I didn’t drink. I am still glad for not conforming to their norms, as I had no desire to be considered “cool” by their standards.
Happy people, then, are essentially non-conformists. They stay true to themselves and do what they feel is right rather than trying to “blend in” and do what everyone else is doing.
9. Accept Reality
A common and great source of disappointment for us is that we take the time to accept reality. We tend to get fairly irrational when it comes to this because we overestimate the chances of good things happening to us and underestimate the chances of bad things. This is not to say that we shouldn’t be optimistic, but the point is to not get our hopes too high. Surprisingly, more than 80% of people have this problem.
Peace is essential for true happiness, and you can never be at peace without accepting reality. Whether it is your favorite team that lost the World Series, you failed to get that job you thought you were most qualified for, or even if you didn’t get that bonus you felt you really deserved, you need to get over it as soon as it hits you. You simply need to accept what you can’t change and move on with your life rather than stress over it.
It will take time and practice to get better at this but once you do, you will be surprised by the positive changes that this simple approach can bring about in your life.
10. Be Spiritual
Being spiritual doesn’t necessarily mean being religious, and while the two share a close connection, they can be rightly regarded as fairly independent of each other. You don’t have to follow a specific faith in order to attain a fruitful and spiritual living. It is not limited to any particular religion but rather something very universal.
Spirituality is a broad term, encompassing deep philosophical questions such as the meaning of life and the purpose of one’s existence. People have different interpretations of spirituality, and there are several different paths that lead to it; however, all those paths lead to pretty much the same goal: “To lead a more meaningful and fruitful life.” Spiritual people contemplate on concepts such as the meaning of life, their connection to other people and the world, and ways to lead a better life.
Spiritual people are generally happier because they feel a connection to something bigger than themselves. In their efforts to understand the essence of life, they discover their own path to happiness and satisfaction.
11. Have No Expectations
Expectations are lethal for happiness because of their potential to cause great disappointment and suffering. We often feel sad, angered, or ignored because things don’t go as we expected, or people don’t respond in ways that we thought they would. Rather than focusing on ourselves, we tend to expect too much from others and end up being disappointed.
When we are attached to a desired outcome, we tend to develop our own version of reality and our mind becomes entrapped in the future. It is more than often that the outcome is not what we had expected, and we end up feeling stressed and unfulfilled. Not only is this an unhealthy behavior, but it is irrational as well.
Happy and content people remain emotionally detached from their endeavors, and while they do make their best efforts towards the attainment of their desires, they do not get their hopes unnecessarily high. They understand that things don’t always work out as they expect, and thus, they save themselves from stress and frustration.
12. Be Passionate
Being passionate simply means doing things that you love, and doing them with enthusiasm and zeal. It also means doing things that you really want to do, and not because others expect or want you to do them. People can have a passion for work, relationship, or even religion; but the best of all is to have a passion for life itself.
Being passionate is one of the key qualities of happy and successful people. Despite what you might think of your potential and your capabilities, your passion will allow you to become much more than you could have imagined. Life is not just about having a career and family, but also about living it to the fullest.
Passionate people constantly push their limits (limits that people often create themselves) and become a source of inspiration for others. They seem to have ample positive force and an unending aura of energy surrounding them. Always do things that you are passionate about, and always be passionate about what you do.
13. Choose to be Happy
Happiness is a choice. It is something we pursue rather than something that just “comes” to us. Choosing to be happy is a simple process. All you need to do is rid your mind of all the garbage and negative emotions such as hatred, envy, pessimism, and foster positive, productive thoughts like empathy and gratitude.
You simply need to make a conscious choice to be happy, regardless of any external stimulants or factors. Happiness comes from within, and once you realize that, you will be astonished by the level of control you can have over your happiness. The famous English philosopher Bertrand Russell said, “Happiness is not, except in very rare cases, something that drops into the mouth, like a ripe fruit… Happiness must be, for most men and women, an achievement rather than a gift of the gods, and in this achievement, effort, both inward and outward, must play a great part.”
Your happiness, thus, is largely dependent on your intention and commitment to be happy. Try it.
Attitude towards Life
14. Regard Problems as Challenges
This is strictly a matter of perspective, and how you see life ultimately defines who you are. Life is full of obstacles and hurdles, and choosing to see them either as problems or challenges, can make a great difference. Thinking of obstacles as challenges is a positive attitude and is an essential trait of happy people. They consider these challenges as opportunities to grow and enlighten themselves.
The word “challenge” has a positive connotation while “problem” has a quite negative one. When someone says “problem,” it sounds as though they have already made up their mind that the “problem” is serious and is here to stay. This is a rather pessimistic attitude and can literally hold you back from attaining happiness. Remember, happy people only have “challenges” in their life, not ‘problems.”
15. Be Grateful
Gratitude is an attitude in itself, and is one of the most effective happiness boosters, leading to a healthier, happier, and more satisfied life. Gratitude simply means to be thankful for what we do have and not stress over what we don’t have. This simple attitude can work wonders for you on your path to the realization of happiness.
Our minds have a natural tendency to focus on the negative aspects of life: our disappointments, failures, and resentments. Gratitude alters this mindset and lets us see the positive aspects. It makes us realize that, while there may be numerous goals we have failed to achieve, there are countless blessings that we do have.
A grateful attitude lets you savor and cherish the positive experiences of life. By taking pleasure in the blessings that you have in your life, you can extract the maximum happiness and satisfaction from your life, no matter what your circumstances are. In short, gratitude is of vital importance to your happiness.
16. Live in the Moment
Living in the moment is undoubtedly the best, and perhaps, the only way to enjoy life to the fullest. Some people are so obsessed with the pursuit of their goals, they seem to neglect the importance of living in the present. Focusing on the present leads to mindfulness, which makes you capable of enjoying life and achieving your goals.
You can make the most out of everything by being mindful, and you can even enjoy tasks that you may otherwise consider mundane and boring. While doing something, focus only on the task at hand and not on what you will be doing next. Don’t rush and don’t try multi-tasking unnecessarily when you can do less, but better.
It is a good practice to take a few minutes out of every day to sit in silence, doing nothing. Get to know your inner thoughts and feelings and try to regulate them. Focus on your surroundings and the present moment. It may sound a lot like meditation, but it is actually not. It is practicing mindfulness: the ability that lets you savor every single moment and live it to the fullest.
17. Don’t hold grudges
It is easy to hold grudges, as nearly every one of us gets hurt by the words and actions of other people at some point in our lives. Words are powerful and can cause lasting feelings of resentment and anger; however, if you don’t learn to forgive and forget, you will end up suffering the most.
People who hold grudges find it nearly impossible to stay happy. They often become so consumed by their negative feelings that they become unable to see the good side of a relationship. In time, they become overwhelmed by their own anger and bitterness. It becomes very hard for them to see the meaning and value of their relations.
Forgiving people, on the other hand, enjoy healthy and meaningful relationships. They are less prone to anxiety, stress, and other similar negative emotions. They never hold grudges because they are aware of the negative impacts it can have on their lives. Forgiveness is crucial for a happy and content life, and it is up to you to choose to be “right,” or to be happy.
18. Focus on Happiness
To be happy, you need to focus on happiness; it is as simple as that. We essentially become what we think, feel, and focus on. There are a thousand things going on in the world right now, both good and bad. If you focus on the good, it will ultimately bring you happiness; and if you focus on the bad, you know where it will get you.
To be happy, it is very important for you to realize the level of control that you can actually exercise over your happiness. Focusing on happiness and choosing to be happy is a major step towards this realization. In fact, the things that you pay attention to let you create your own world. By only focusing on positive things, you can actually create your own happy world.
Don’t focus on things that bring you stress and sorrow. Disregard them altogether and act as if they don’t even exist. In essence, happy people are ordinary people who, unlike most others, choose to be happy.
19. Be Adventurous
Happy people are adventurous. They constantly challenge themselves by exposing themselves to new experiences and getting out of their comfort zone. This doesn’t necessarily mean traveling. Discovering new things, experiencing different cultures, and meeting new people are all different forms of adventure. It can even be as simple as trying a new food or taking a different route home.
Adventure for the sake of happiness can have a different meaning for different people. It can be something grand that you find out of your reach, something that demands creativity, or even something that involves physical effort. Whatever it is, go out and pursue it if it makes you happy.
Being adventurous will infuse your personality with some very positive traits, such as curiosity, resilience, and risk taking. It will give you a greater appreciation for life and a taste of the thrills that life has to offer.
Attitude towards Other People
20. Be Kind
Being kind simply means being selfless. Small acts of kindness, such as passing someone a smile, cost nothing but gives so much, like the emotional uplift to which happiness is without a doubt associated. As Mahatma Gandhi says, “The simplest acts of kindness are far more powerful than a thousand heads bowing in prayer..”
Research was conducted by Dr. Michael Tomasello of the Max Planck Institute which clearly mentions that the tendency or capability of being kind is inborn. A child of a very young age helps another child when he sees him in trouble (demonstrated during the research with an 18-month-old), consequently making both of them happy and satisfied. Further studies show that being kind bestows an individual with good psychological health. After doing some act of kindness, the “feel-happy” hormone endorphin is released by the neural circuits of the brain, which, as a result, makes the person happy.
A study was conducted by University of Michigan psychologist Dr. Stephanie Brown concluded that kindness is a remedy for living a longer life. Kindness is one of those essential habits in a person which makes the journey of life smoother to enjoy and easy to live.
21. Speak well of others
Buddha said, “Speak well of others, not of their faults.” Our elders have taught us that speaking ill of others is not a good practice; it is one of the teachings of almost all the religions of the world. On the contrary, it seems that we have a superiority complex and overlook our own errors and mistakes. In fact, we sometimes feel more superior while speaking ill of others.
It is true that whatever you have in your heart, you will see a reflection of that in others. If you think positively, you have something good inside (i.e. a pure heart). The more positive you are, the more positivity you will find in the world or in others, and conversely.
Speaking ill of others means giving space to negativity inside ourselves, which will automatically drive us towards pessimism and sadness. Speaking ill of others will always take you towards sadness while speaking well of others will not only make you feel good and happy but will also reveal how pure and righteous you are.
22. Avoid blaming
American philosopher, Wayne Dyer says, “All blame is a waste, no matter how much fault you find in another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration.”
Whenever something bad happens to us, we should not start the blame game and point towards others, even though this is the easy way of getting out of a bad situation. It does no good and will never help us move forward. You should always keep positive thoughts about yourself in mind; and by blaming others, you simply step back from handling a situation, which is evidence of a lack of self-belief.
Blaming others will only indulge you in negative thoughts, like why all the bad in the world happens to you, which will always keep you behind the gates of happiness, and you won’t ever be capable of unlocking them.
23. Don’t compare yourself to others
You are gifted with certain talents and abilities that others lack. This does not mean the one who lacks is less fortunate, because he may have other talents that you don’t have. This is the rule of nature that nobody gets everything; otherwise, life on earth would be terribly difficult.
It is human nature that we compare our worsts with others’ bests, which as a result makes our approach towards life very narrow and depressing. We need to understand that everybody has their place in the world, with different and unique qualities, but we waste precious time pondering upon others’ lives rather than our own. Instead of gathering negativity with thinking about others, it is better to think of the blessing God has given to you. You would enjoy what you are gifted with if you start counting the blessings you have been bestowed with; life would become worth living for everyone.
Comparing your life with others does nothing but give your time and joy to them. It is not what we want to achieve, rather it is mere despair. As the 26th president of the United States, Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” So, do not let somebody else take away your happiness. Live your life, be thankful, and enjoy it.
24. Surround yourself with positive people
Do not let negativity become an obstacle between you and one of the most powerful elements in life, positivity, which is as essential as oxygen to leading a beautiful life. Although happiness is an individual choice, such choices are influenced by others. If you surround yourself with positive people, you will feel good. If you surround yourself with negative people, the results will be accordingly. “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” according to American entrepreneur and motivational speaker Jim Rohn.
A positive influencer will always connect to others and enjoy his time, and will work on becoming his “true self.” Allowing such people to enter your life would be one of the best decisions of your life; these people will be the reason for the choices you make. On the contrary, there are negative influencers who do not communicate much and face problems with the relationships in their personal and professional lives.
Think of such people who you would put in the category of positive influencers and surround yourselves with them. Positivity is the main ingredient of happiness, and being around positive people can do wonders in your life.
25. Listen to others
It is always better to be a good listener. People, including friends and family, feel more loved and respected when you are listening. You should prefer to be a good listener rather than a speaker because listeners are considered to be wise. Good listeners are likely to get more opportunities than good speakers because of their ability to pay attention to others. They listen to the opinions and viewpoints of others keenly, from which it is obvious that they tend to commit fewer mistakes and learn fast.
Author D. Ridgley said, “Listening to other’s viewpoints may reveal the one thing needed to complete your goals.” Listening to others, particularly wise or experienced people, holds importance in your life. You can learn a lot from the aforementioned people. Secondly, listening is not just important for you but for others too. It would be a good gesture to listen to a person who shares his problems with you or discusses his plans with you because it will give him satisfaction and happiness, and ultimately you will feel good and happy about it.
Make others happy and be happy!
Action Plan
The pursuit of happiness is an easy and straightforward path, but it is definitely not short. Some of the habits described in this book can be applied almost instantly and you will be able to observe the results in a matter of days. Others are significantly long-term goals that will take time to fully apply to your life and observe their positive impacts. This 4-week action plan will help you incorporate these habits into your life in a logical and seamless way.
- Week 1 – Change your lifestyle
In the first week, work on personal habits relating to your lifestyle. Change your diet and eating habits and start using food as a means of pleasure (be sure not to excess though). Start exercising regularly. Begin with shorter times if you face difficulties. Just make sure to do some exercise every day, for a minimum of 10 minutes. It will also help you sleep soundly and hopefully wake up early.
- Week 2 – Promote positive thoughts
In the second week, focus on improvement of your personal thoughts and your overall mindset. Work on the art of controlling your thoughts and emotions, and having a positive outlook towards life. In this week, your aim should be to start meditating daily, incorporate minimalism into your life, and apply the principles of honesty and spirituality to yourself.
- Week 3 – Your relation with others
In the third week, your goal will be to start fostering healthy and meaningful relationships. You will try to value your friends, family, and everyone in your surroundings. You will identify and eliminate any negative habits you have that affect your relationships, such as blaming, speaking ill of others, and comparing yourself to others.
- Week 4 – A new perspective towards life
In the final week, you will aim to develop a new, better outlook towards life. You will be required to contemplate the core issues that might be causing you stress and holding you back from happiness; such as a lack of appreciation for life, holding on to grudges, and living in the past/future.
References
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